That’s what I am right now. Go ahead & skip this..I’m just writing down what’s on my mind.
I guess life just has me by my head right now. I’m seriously freaking out because I mean..what other major will I go into if Computer Science doesn’t work out for me? I literally don’t know..I mean there’s business..but let’s face it. I really want to major in the arts…but at the same time, I’m not naturally good at any of them. Sure I sing, dance, do videography, photography, but at the end of the day I’m nowhere near as good as those out there. I feel like a JOKE. I feel as if I won’t get very far in the arts either, so what’s the point. Maybe I’m focusing too much on money which is bad in a way but the way the world is today, money makes the world go round. MAYBE it doesn’t have to, but right now, I am financially terrified. Maybe I’m doing too much and should just stick to one art..but then again I don’t want to.
Also, since I found out about my psoriasis last month, my self esteem shot down because I was thinking..”who’d want to be with someone that has this on their face? especially since it’s pretty noticeable”..why me…why did it have to be me that inherited this gene..But I do have to give thanks to a close friend of mine. He reminded me that the love I find will be even more true since that person is willing to look past my physical look and truly love me for who I am. I guess…it’s just…I just have it set in my mind that I’ll be single for years..possibly not ever finding love..my happy ending. It sucks but I know this is just a temporary feeling & mind set..but I can’t help how true it all could be.
I guess all this growing up pressure is just getting to me. But I can’t help it. I know there’s people out there that will have my back, but I feel like I don’t want to be such a heavy load to them because I know that they have their own problems in life that they are carrying. I still love them though, but that’s just who I am as a person.
I feel like a mess…maybe I just need to do a little more clean up of my life..my room..maybe donate some clothes I won’t wear anymore..throw away things..AGHH…this is all too frustrating.
Help please. I don’t know where I’m going. I’m lost.
I need to learn to let go of things…
I need to stop letting my memories get into my head of the thing I need to let go of. They may have been good memories, something I’d like to hold onto to cherish sometime in the future..but really, I could be doing better by letting it go and having someone else use it and enjoy it.
I feel that by doing this, weight will be lifted off from my shoulders and I can feel…feel more free.
Here’s to growing into a better version of myself.